I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
