false alarm. still invincible.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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