mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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