WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
