Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I love you.
Bad choice
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
