mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
