Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
