i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it glows. i had to have it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
