i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
