you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
