He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
