the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
