i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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