You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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