How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Operation Purity has been aborted
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
