Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
