You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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