Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
