Ambien. No doubt about it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
