he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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