he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
