life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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