Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
