I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
