I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
