new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
