I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
