Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
