Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
