i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
