I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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