the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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