you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
