Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
