Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I look better un-naked...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
