I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
