Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
