It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
