i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
