The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
