if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
