Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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