we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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