That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
