I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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