im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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