I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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