Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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