I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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