God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
