You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i've created a new STD.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
