Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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