Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
