I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
