Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I've blown a few things in my day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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